This is My Story

Loose scattered notes leading up to salvation.

December 31, 2008: New Year's Eve, wife's friend came over. Had a really good talk with him about dreams, and things he would see when young.

January 31, 2009: Saturday morning decided to put the TV back together and see if the fan was working before ordering a new lamp. The fan came on and the TV stayed working this time. I programmed in to only shows we have for the family channel to avoid going through every satellite station. Narrowed down, and found some religious channels to watch. We watched really sad, religious shows for 4-5 hours. One show we watched was a cartoon about Daniel. The message of faith, that’s what I needed. We then watched John Hagee preach about going around the mountain.

February 1, 2009: Superbowl night.

February 8, 2009: Calvary was supposed to be showing the movie "Fireproof", and wanted to see it but decided not to go. Convinced me that it was not the right church for me.

February 15, 2009: Daughter and I went to church, and made it into the parking lot but noticed how well-dressed everyone was that was going in. She had on a pants suit and tennis shoes. It was just a white shirt and pants. We both felt too uncomfortable to go in, so we turned around and went home. Everyone had a good laugh at our expense.

February 16 –20th; Very physically busy week on machine installation. The contractor made mistake in the wiring and damaged a lot of electronic parts. Exhausted with 12 hours days, and the stress that went with it.

February 18, 2009. A movie came in that I had ordered weeks earlier called “Pilgrims Progress, Journey to Heaven.” I was exhausted, had worked until 7 PM, got home about 8 PM, and saw it in the mailbox. Put the movie in and the whole family watched it together. Uplifting to see how believers can keep getting off the path. How the burden increases the more you study the bible. “..why would you want to do that… it's stupid”. The conversation started to head in the wrong direction, so we continued with the movie.

February 21, 2009, Saturday: Talked with someone about needing to go to church, and how I always talk myself out of it. Have the desire to go, but usually don’t make it. Said would try and go to church and meant it. Was primary that weekend and left early to go to wild game feed at 11 am, my coworker worked the rest of the day for me covering. Got home around 3 or 4, and took nap on the couch, when got home. I was exhausted from all the work in the week. Woke up feeling a fever coming on, and getting sick so went upstairs to bed. Thought how am I going to go to church, my friend won’t believe me, but I have to go. Thought God you are going to have to remove this fever, I can’t make it. Had to be 105 degrees, I was burning up. Exhausted fell back to sleep.

Sunday, February 22, 2009: 12 PM2 AM: Wife came in around 2 AM with ice water and medicine. Remember thinking God going to have to help, and can’t make it and went back to sleep. Woke up around 9 AM, fever felt like it was gone. Was weak, but decided to go to church. The message was about forgiveness, and how we need to forgive others. Met one of the ushers going into church, and talked briefly with him about being the first visit. He took me in and introduced me to a former church leader, and I sat with him. After the sermon was over, he turned to me and we talked. I mentioned that I wasn’t sure if I was saved anymore, why was I out of church for so long, Talked about my wife, and children. Mentioned how talking with my daughter, and said she prayed. Ask her what she prayed for, and she said “you dad, somethings bothering you”. Mentioned how we started failing in our bible studies, and how she said “no Dad, you are failing”. She keeps tearing my heart out and encourages me. Left at that time, sweating enormously, my fever coming back after getting out in the cold. Got sick again in the afternoon, fever of only up to 101 degrees. Laid around the rest of the day.

Monday, February 23, 2009: Oldest daughter was sick for 3 days. The TV had been on too much and stopped working again.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 (7 pm): Still feeling remnants of the fever, my daughter had gone back to school today feeling a little better. She was brave enough to go to church with me again, our second attempt together. I was worried if she would like it, nervous about meeting people. Entered through the back door around 7:10 pm, met with the former church leader again, and some other people came up. Met with a new minister. We went back to the back rooms met a few people, and left my daughter with one of the minister's daughters. Came back out front, and was introduced to someone. Minister said he had quite the testimony, converted 1 year ago. Tears formed in his eyes, I could see the same he believed at a heart level. He said something, then I said "I know how you feel." He seemed to get upset and then said “…do you?” Sensing that I had offended, I corrected myself and said “…for myself, I know how I feel.” I was feeling God's presence in my life, guiding me spiritually even though I didn't want religion. He said a few words, then headed into the auditorium, and I heard him say “ I can just hope for.” I took it to mean the great hope of salvation. Then I headed in behind the minister, who had me sit with someone. Listened to the sermon, and had a few things on my mind. Another minister preached and there was a song in the sermon that I thought I would lose it on, but I don’t remember what or why. Sermon ended, went out to find my daughter then met up with the minister again. We started talking about trouble with my salvation. Amazing grace; once was lost, now found, now lost, now found, and how I needed to settle this for myself. He offered some words of encouragement and his testimony of being saved at 27, never too old. Gave me the Statement of Faith brochure. Was feeling uncomfortable with the Christian greetings happening. Left with my daughter, got out the door and she was saying “what was that”, referring to the greetings. I explained how I was looking passed that for now so God could show me what I needed. She still thought it was not good. Then she mentioned, “…I love this place, everyone is so nice”. She kept going on and on about it. I felt such relief.

Sunday, March 1, 2009: 12 PM. Went to the afternoon church service. My wife went with me for the first time. Met a few more people. The person I had sat with earlier jokingly said your husband missed a good service, was about being a better husband. We laughed a little, thought to myself what are you talking about, I am a great husband. The usher immediately said let's go sign up to get you a CD on it. Talked with us awhile after service. I was still sweating a lot with remnants of being sick still lingering.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009; 1920. Went to service.

Sunday, March 8, 2009: Daylight savings time, everyone trying to rush and get ready to go to church. We all made it, barely.