Once Saved Always Saved

September 12, 2009

An old man told me a story of how when he was a boy he had gotten saved, and as he grew older he struggled with the concept of “Once Saved, Always Saved”. He grew up in a Baptist church, with all kinds of conservative beliefs. His dad was a Sunday school teacher, and had helped start the church. He told about memorizing scriptures after school, going to church regulary, and even listening to teachings at home along with the refrigerator his dad use to talk to in preparation for Sunday mornings.

As he started becoming a teenager, more temptations entered his life. He had a lot of guilt, from those thoughts, and at times thought maybe he wasn’t saved, and should get saved again. Through all the altar calls, fiery preaching, revivals, and Christian school, this young man never could decide if he was actually saved. Maybe he had been too young. He had always heard it preached that “Once Saved, Always Saved”, but yet it never felt right. Eventually, the guilt just overtook the teenager and he couldn’t stand going to church.

He joined the Air Force two weeks out of high school, where a tour of duty sent him to Okinawa, Japan. Upon arrival, the guys in the unit thought they should all go out on the town for the night. The young 19 year old had never seen such temptations. At one point they thought he had gotten scared and left, sometimes he wished that it had been the case. Unfortunately, he must have had a bulls eye target on him, and lost all his money in a few minutes. Needless to say, he did not enjoy losing his money, and did not really know how to handle all these new temptations. More guilt, he thought now what was he going to do?

The young airmen resisted all further outings with the guys, and did not become one of the most popular guys around. He enrolled in college classes after work, and focused on his career. This would keep him occupied, and away from all those feelings of guilt. For some strange reason though, the young man eventually gave in and treated himself to a vacation in South Korea. To this day, he couldn’t really explain what had come over him, to cause him to fly to another country, go off base and start giving into every temptation that he had tried to resist. Upon return to Okinawa, he said it was like a fire was set off inside him that could never be satisfied. This fire burned real bright for a couple months, and then he had regained control. He had promised himself that he would never again give into such temptations.

Six months later the young airmen met his future wife. He was attracted to her kindness, and that she actually liked him. He was in shock because no girl had ever liked him before. He had figured girls just didn’t find bookworms interesting, and figured he was in for a lonely life. They saw each other for about a year, and then once again for some strange reason he went to another country, this time with some friends and gave into even more temptations. His future wife having found out still forgave him, but he could tell it had hurt her. What was wrong with him? He was normally a very sensitive guy and would never hurt anyone.

They ended up getting married about a year later. The newlywed was thinking now all this temptation and lust are behind him, he could lust after his wife without sinning. He would never give into sin again, freedom, or so he thought. After the years went by, and many children, the marriage relationship started to change. The passion started to leave and was replaced with friendship more and more. He had gotten use to the ease of things, and started to take things for granted. Even though his wife was the most beautiful woman in the world to him, his eyes started to wonder, desires started to come in again. What would he do now? There is no escape, the law binds a man to his wife. The flesh binds a man to sin, there is no escape. Here comes all the guilt rushing in again.

He begins to think that maybe if he started going to church again with his wife and children this would calm the desires down. Inevitably, it only just increased the guilt. What is he supposed to do, was there freedom from this burden? How could he become a Godly husband, father, and man with all this guilt? Every time he had tried in his life to not lust, he ended up lusting a hundred times more. He thought at times, if only he was a woman, surely he would not have this guilt. This is a curse, why would God make such a natural desire a sin? How could he get rid of this guilt? Stop going to church again was the answer, he thought.

He had to find a way to hide these desires from his wife. It’s a good thing the Internet happened along at that time, surely there wasn’t a better place to focus on and keep his heart from lusting. He could check on stocks, read the news, manage bills, plan for the future, and even maybe start writing a book that he had always wanted to write. Boy was he wrong. He found out in just a few short clicks, that there was a whole new world of temptation for him. Well just a few clicks wouldn’t hurt. He ended up on a journey of over 10 years being addicted to lusting after women on the internet. No one could see him, no one being hurt. God could see him. It started with just looking when his wife was out, but eventually he had gotten so use to it that he thought he should share it with his wife, and then he could look at it even more often, rather than just in secret. Somehow, in his head it went so much better than it actually did.

Now he had broken his wife’s trust in him, and she suspected him of lusting all the time, even when he was just paying bills. Now it was aggravating, and causing a division between them. A lot of things can happen between a man and his wife, something’s can’t be mentioned. When the Internet became an addiction the person he sought to be in life at first became overshadowed, then he became hateful, and eventually that man just died inside. What was the whole meaning to life? He hid himself from God, ignored all the guilt God had sent to try and correct him. Years went by and all happiness had left the man, there was no more hope. He still talked about God; still believed, still acted as a Christian, but inside he was dead. The devil had won the battle; the man was leading himself, his wife, and his children down the wrong pathway. With sin in his heart it affected the decisions he made in front of his wife and children. Was he a Godly father, husband. He didn’t care, he had to satisfy his own lusts.

He started to realize, that these lusts were getting bigger and there was nothing he could do to satisfy them, he needed help. For reasons he couldn’t explain, he said he had 2 dreams that started to change his life, and he would tell me about them one day. For now, his understanding had been stripped from him, and he was going to find it again. He found a church where he started hearing what God wanted him to know. Every message seemed deeply personal to him. One day when he was driving down the road, God told him in a few simple words what was wrong in his life, what was the real root of his sin, and showed him how it hurt him and others. It was the most life changing event in his life; he finally understood, and asked God to forgive him of his sins. God forgave him, and now he has the greatest peace a man can have, God’s peace. He still isn’t perfect, but now he understands he is forgiven and is trying to walk with God, instead of whatever direction he wants. The answer to “Once Saved, Always Saved” for him, was that you first have to ask for forgiveness with the right understanding. You can also fail in your walk with God, but as long as your soul desires not to sin and you continually ask for forgiveness, then you can still have peace with God.

Thank you, God, for all the blessings in my life.